Dear John and Jane: Navigating the New Normal

Alright, John and Jane, let’s get real. The world is changing fast, and it’s time we face these changes head-on. It’s already tough enough to be a teenager or young adult, and these evolving roles at home and work add another layer of complexity. But if we don’t adapt and embrace these shifts, the discomfort will only grow.

Dear John,

You’re stepping into a world where women are increasingly the primary or sole providers. 40% of households now have women as the main earners, up from just 10% in 1960. This isn’t a threat — it’s an opportunity. Embrace the change without letting ego get in the way. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Confidence is essential, but it’s not the same as arrogance. Confidence means understanding your value and adapting to new roles. Ego, on the other hand, blinds you to the value others bring and creates unnecessary tension.

I was raised by my father, who left for work before I woke up and arrived home after dark, five days a week. My mother stayed home, making sure I got to school, sporting events, and eventually work on time. Growing up, I was taught that my role as the male was to provide for the family and I wanted to do for a living what I witnessed my father do everyday.

Now, my son is growing up witnessing both his mom and dad provide. For years, he watched me leave for another city on a Tuesday only to come back home on a Friday. He saw his mom both raise him at home, keep the family moving, and also work from home. This dynamic changed a year ago when I shifted to re-skill and up-skill by working from home while my wife left the house more for work. I was able to bring our son to school every day and pick him up too. The total household dynamic has changed.

Your kids are watching. For example, our son treats my wife and me the way we treat each other. My son knows that my wife is the boss and therefore if I say, “No,” he knows he can go ask MOM because at the end of the day, what she says goes and he knows it. If I am short-tempered with his mom because I come home stressed out, he is short-tempered with his mom and thinks it’s OK. The point of all this is that our kids are chasing a path. They may rebel against or follow what they are witnessing. In either case, the way we are acting is steering them in either path.

I say all this to illustrate that the world is evolving. The facts tell us that “she” is becoming an equal or primary breadwinner in households, and when left alone, she becomes the breadwinner in most cases now. My wife and I have another seven years to influence our son until our influence will remain but diminish as he gets older. I can only speak for myself, but I want my son to understand that his role is to provide. The difference is that the definition of what it means to provide today is very different than in my day and my father’s day, and it will be very different when he is my age now. If we teach him to outwork, outlearn, be the example, be accountable, and be disciplined, this will define his character and will be what is required to provide in whatever sense the definition becomes.

Traditional masculine roles often tied a man’s worth to being the primary provider. With women stepping up, boys might struggle with feelings of inadequacy or shame if they can’t fit into outdated molds. Studies show that boys facing a clash between societal expectations and family dynamics are more prone to feelings of shame. It’s crucial to redefine masculinity to include qualities like empathy, emotional intelligence, and collaboration. Research highlights that boys exposed to diverse role models develop a healthier understanding of masculinity, helping them navigate these changes with less shame and more confidence.

Deep down, men crave respect, and it can feel like respect is slipping away with changing dynamics. But respect isn’t about clinging to outdated norms; it’s about adapting to new ways of valuing and supporting each other. In order for you to earn respect, you’re going to have to put in the work. Be open to learning, set a positive example, be accountable, and stay disciplined. It’s all about building character and proving that respect is earned through actions and integrity, not just adherence to outdated roles.

Dear Jane,

You’re stepping into roles that were traditionally held by men. Women are increasingly becoming the primary providers, and this shift is reshaping how both girls and boys see gender roles. Your success in these roles proves that leadership and success aren’t bound by gender. But don’t let the challenges of being a trailblazer bring you down. Believe in yourself and remember that you belong in these roles. Screw Imposter Syndrome!

Support other women and foster a positive environment. Research indicates that women who support and uplift each other are more successful and face fewer barriers. For young girls, seeing their mothers succeed can be incredibly empowering, reinforcing the idea that they too can aim for high leadership roles. And let’s not forget the boys growing up in this environment. They’re learning that leadership and success come from all kinds of people. Studies show that boys benefit from seeing positive, non-traditional role models who help them understand that masculinity isn’t about adhering to outdated norms.

As you ascend into new roles at home, communication and influence skills will become increasingly important. Being an effective communicator and understanding how to wield influence wisely will not only help you in your professional life but also in managing and inspiring those around you at home.

Women crave love and appreciation, and as you step into new roles, it’s crucial to recognize and nurture this need for emotional support. It’s not just about proving yourself in the workplace; it’s about feeling valued and loved for who you are, both at home and at work.

The workforce is evolving rapidly. By 2030, women will make up over 50% of the workforce, with an emphasis on creativity, problem-solving, and emotional intelligence. The workforce will be more diverse, focusing on flexibility and inclusivity. With women being primary providers and leaders, the future work environment will reflect a balance and adaptation to new norms.

Let’s face it: in 50 years, people will look back at our behaviors and think, “What were they thinking?” The civil rights movement wasn’t that long ago, and women only gained the right to vote a century ago. Our current norms and behaviors might seem just as outdated to future generations. Just as we recognize the historic struggles of past generations, future generations will judge us on how we handled our own era of change.

The shifting roles at home and work can make everyone uncomfortable. For teenagers and young adults, who are already grappling with their identities and futures, these shifts add another layer of complexity. It’s uncomfortable for most adults too. If he was raised to be the primary provider and now isn’t, he has to take himself less seriously. If she was raised to be home and provide in that way, she also has to take herself less seriously. Adults and kids are all wired a certain way today, and with change comes discomfort for everybody.

So, John, embrace the new dynamics at home and work. Support the changes, redefine your role, and earn respect through your actions. Jane, stand tall in your place, uplift others, and shape a new narrative for both girls and boys. Recognize the need for love and appreciation in your journey and support others in theirs.

Together, let’s tackle these changes head-on and build a future where everyone can thrive. Stop taking yourself so seriously, stop complaining about how different things are, and start making the most of them. It’s time to adjust, adapt, and get it right.